my doctor said the approach should be cautious. meditative. slow. for the first week, go to the garage. open the basement door and face the gray mazda. do not imagine it as staring straight back at you. pretend it's asleep. get comfortable with the idea of opening the driver's side door. get comfortable with the idea of sitting in the driver's side seat. pull the seatbelt over your shoulder. pretend to work the pedals. pretend to shift gears. put your hands on the steering wheel and peer through the windshield, back at the basement door. pretend it's a horizon, a highway, the driveway. hit the directionals; feel in control, in control of something more than the wheel, more than the dashboard, more than the backseat, the trunk.
by the second week you should back the car out of the garage into the driveway. once there, shift into park. unbuckle and open the driver's side door. step out onto the driveway. walk to to the driveway's end, onto the street. notice the slope, the cracks in the pavement, the roadside dandelions. imagine yourself driving here, further, further, still further.
it's not that you're afraid of driving. okay, well, maybe you're afraid of driving. but maybe there's some reason. maybe you're afraid to move in a vehicle that's not your own body because your body is exactly what you're not yet comfortable with, rather, the thing that controls your body. speak to this thing at night. converse. get to know it. make peace. repeat.
by the third week...well, you'll figure it out.
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