We Must Be In A Lecture Hall, Because These Are Just Projections.

I.) I can't say, "If there's one thing I love," because it simply isn't true, but I can't say, "When there's one thing I love," either, because at any given point in time I am simultaneously loving multiple things, which is to say, "When there's one thing I love," is equivalent to: "Never."

II.) Anyways: when I observe stupid behavior in public, I like to think to myself, "Man, that person looks so fucking dumb." But, in most cases, said stupid behavior is something I know fully well that I do too. Just not at that moment. Like running in place when you're stopped at a crosswalk because you don't want to lose your momentum, your drive, your will to go all the way to the Seaport and back. There was this woman doing that, you know, bobbing up and down, like a buoy, or maybe a wild turkey on crack, at the corner of 13th and A, and I thought, "Jesus, she looks stupid." Which was when I realized I was going to Hell. Because, even after I thought, "Hey, you know, I do that too," I still laughed at her, convincing myself that there's no way I could look that dumb because A. I'm just that cool, or B. I must look so dumb that I look cool, or C. No one really gives a shit about me and my crosswalk rituals. Maybe I'm the only living asshole in New York.

III.) Well, I've got this weird feeling in me, and let's not talk about where it is, because it's not even a matter of where, and if we say "where" it'll just make me worried about babies. But, oh, child, here's the down-low if we're gonna go down, throw down, get down, can ya dig it? You don't tell me how to love my body. You don't take off my clothes unless I give you the go-ahead. And there's no way that I'm going to feel paranoid about what you think of my paranoia. We're almost the same, when it comes down to it. We're over-thinkers through and through. And the truth is, most of the time, I'm just trying to convince myself that I don't look dumb when I run in place.