It's A Straight Line, But Who's Counting?

Point A:

In last night's dream, I was taking a shower with Barack Obama.
This means that I was wet (obviously) and unclothed (obviously) in the presence of the current President of the United States.
He didn't look a whole lot like Barack Obama, but it was him.
He was standing behind me, and he was caressing my back.
Maybe that particular aspect of the dream was triggered by that memory, that memory that made both of us sad ("But I can't be sad, because I'm the one who ended it," you said, right?), that memory of those times when I'd do the dishes and you'd come up behind me and hold me around my waist and kiss my neck.
(For a distraction, you're very attractive.)
And I wish that I'd have responded every time by tossing dish duties to the wind, you know, maybe I'd have spun around and thrown my arms around your neck and thanked you for reminding me that there's more to life than a sink full of dirty plates. But most of the time, if I recall correctly, most of the time, I'd tell you to stop, because I didn't like it when you held my waist, not after we'd eaten dinner and I felt sick (but really, just fat).
In case you were wondering, Barack Obama uses Dove body wash.
That's what I saw, at least.
I think that I was a man. In the dream, I mean.
Does that make Barack Obama gay?
Maybe.
But this morning, the more I considered it ("it" being "being a man"), the more I realized that it was an impossibility.
I can't be a man.

I'm far too used to buttoning my shirts with the buttons on the left.

Point B:

My mom wanted to buy me a pair of pants today.
She became less enthusiastic about it when she saw that I was back down to a zero.
"I'm such a zero," I thought to myself, "in so many ways."
(It's really more like two ways, but I was inclined toward the hyperbolic, at the time.)
She bought me the pants anyway, even though neither of us really wanted it to happen.
They're nice pants.
"Are you making progress, at least?"
I didn't lie when I said yes.
I am making progress.
I never said that I was making it in the right direction.

Did you know that they sell double zeros nowadays?