she's going to kill me for this.

i, too, am rather fond of this particular katie. we have known each other for the past 13 years. i have only been verbally abusive toward her for the past 5. that's when i really started to love her.

she's kind of cool, i suppose, if you consider people who manage to be good at just about everything on the universe to be "cool." she makes me model for her photographs. she also sells me clothes (clothes that would, on her, be perfectly acceptable, but prompt eye-rapage when i wear them only because i'm taller than her).

also, according to her, i "make [her] feel like a giraffe who has no friends." which is sad, because i really don't mean to. you know what else would be sad? an alien invasion. but, in the words of katie, "i don't think we should rely on aliens to solve our problems. i think we need to figure our shit out without aliens." (well put.) then again, maybe aliens would be a nice distraction, but THANK GOD for the big bang! because, after all, "what if the big bang didn't get around to...banging...big? we'd have world peace because we'd all be fighting the dinosaurs!"

yes, indeed.

but if the dinosaurs were still around, we wouldn't have babysitting opportunities to put on our formal résumés. "this one time," katie told me once, "i babysat and the girl was a lot like a cash register."

things like these will surely get her a job at anthropologie and give her ample opportunities to actually sell me clothes.

had i told her i was planning to post this, she would have told me that "it's all going to be out of context and a big jumble of fuck." alas, it's true, but sayings like these deserve to be memorialized.

and this is a key example of my relational aggression rearing its disgustingly ugly head. i really do love her; if i didn't, i wouldn't give her such a hard time. c'est la vie, i suppose.

(and i guarantee you, when she reads this, she'll think, "well, that was a nice trip down memoryfuck lane."

katharine, darling, i hope it was.)